BEHOLD!

 

Alright guys!  The day has finally come!  Our son Bernardo Carrera was born at 3:24 PM on August 2nd.  He was 8 pounds and 4 ounces, and 21.5 inches.  He's healthy and perfect, and our surrogate is also doing great.  Yay!  A dream come true.  Adan and I are ecstatic.  And, in a way, have been overcome by a peace and calm that's hard to explain.  It's like everything "fits" now.  

Our surrogacy journey has concluded.  Or has it just begun?  I know there'll be tons of things to write about over the next few years...How do we "break it" to our son about our unique situation?  How do we explain the fact that he has two dads?  What if he wants to meet his gestational carrier someday?  Do we include her in our lives?  What about his mom, the egg donor?  These things and much more, including the universal adventures of parenthood, are topics we'll inevitably encounter.  But I'm glad that this particular journey, of bringing our own baby into the world, has come into fruition.  And, to be honest, I'm glad I won't have to write in this blog as much.  LoL.  It's been wonderful sharing the journey with you all.  I think telling our stories is incredibly important for ourselves and for the world.  But I also have books to write.  They don't write themselves.  I'd rather focus on that.  In addition to raising a family.  And living my best life.  But don't worry. It's not "goodbye" to the blog but rather "see you soon!"

In fact, I believe I will be having another guest writer later this month.  I'll inform y'all when she has the blog post written.  She has an amazing story that is similar to ours yet very different.  Keep an eye out for it coming soon!

Okay.  Lets stop talking about me and get back to Bernardo.  He's beautiful ain't he?  These photos are from his first official photo shoot at like four days old.  He looks kinda cranky in these.  I swear he isn't grumpy like these pictures make him out to be! Haha.

Everything at the hospital for the delivery went well. Our surrogate was being induced at about 7:00 AM on August 2nd.  Adan and I got there about 11:00, after having a somewhat anxious brunch, wondering how everything would go that day, hashing out all of the possibilities.  We waited in our room at the hospital, watching the Olympics, badminton to be exact.  We later heard that our surrogate was watching badminton too.  We joked that perhaps Bernardo would be a badminton star someday.  Anyways, suddenly at around 2:30ish, we got word that things were happening quickly and that the baby was coming.  They put us in a room right next to the delivery room.  Our surrogate didn't want Adan and I in the delivery room during the birth.  We were good with that.  We wanted her to feel at ease and be comfortable. We couldn't really hear too much in our room.  But at 3:24 we suddenly heard probably the most beautiful and terrifying noise of all time...Bernardo's cries.  He was screaming.  And it hit Adan and I like a pile of bricks...This shit was real!  Ah!  We had a baby!  Within a couple of minutes, they wheeled Bernardo out on a cart.  The nurses exclaimed "it's a boy!" cause we hadn't any idea at that point.  We were surprisingly not surprised by the gender.  We had thought it'd be a boy.  The nurses let us cut the cord and watch and assist in the bathing of the baby.  And then they left us alone in the room to do connecting and skin-to-skin contact with Bernardo.  Adan and I both took our shirts off and held our son to our chest for about an hour.  It was strange and surreal.  Yet it was also very raw and authentic.  One of those moments in life where nothing else mattered except us, Adan and I and Bernardo, right then and there, in that small room. I tried to turn off the plethora of thoughts in my head and just soak up the present moment.  It was quiet and calm.  We didn't cry.  But I think we both got teary-eyed.  I almost lost it when the nurse was washing the baby, cleaning all the nooks and crannies of his tiny, tiny body.  WE created that?!  All of that intricacy?!  All of those formidable, beautiful working body parts?!  It was breathtaking and awesome.  Total cheesiness.

A couple things...First of all, we did sort of want a girl.  I think Adan and I suspect that it would have been perhaps easier for a girl to have gay dads. A girl would have maybe been more accepting of it and she wouldn't have gotten made fun of for it at school like maybe a boy would.  Stupid, I know!  But that's just how we felt.  Of course, now that it's a boy, we're thankful and excited and happy.  This boy, our son, can and will be accepting of all people.  And that can and will be seen as "masculine."  Not that he needs to seem "masculine."  But y'all know what I mean, right?  Like, it can be cool for boys to be kind and compassionate and loving to all.  They can be lovers and not fighters.  It can be cool for a boy to have two dads.  Perhaps times will change so much that no one will even ever bat an eye at Bernardo's situation.  They'll only bat their eyes at his handsome amazingness cause he will be the best human that's ever walked the earth.  Bwahahaha!

Second, his name is something we decided somewhat recently.  It was going to be Patricia, named after my mom, if it was a girl.  But we really discussed long and hard for a boy's name.  We probably went over hundreds of names.  But one night while we drank at a wine bar, someone mentioned the name Bernardo and we both sort of sat up, intrigued by it.  We liked it.  We really liked it.  Something about it sounds wise and sturdy.  It has Portuguese origins and it means "strong as a bear."  Exactly what I thought it sounded like when I first heard it.  Only the neat guy in class has a name like Bernardo.  Now I was a little worried that my mostly conservative family would hate it cause...Well, cause of Bernie Sanders.  Adan and I were scared that they'd be like "those crazy lib-tards just named their kid after Bernie Sanders!"  But that had nothing to do with his name.  In reality, we want his nickname to be Nardo.  Such a cool name, in my opinion.  It's also the name of one of my favorite characters from a musical...Bernardo from West Side Story.  Some people would actually consider him a villain.  But I personally think he's just misunderstood.  He's actually a character that questions his community and family, fights for what he believes in, and stands up against oppression and prejudice; he's the only character really that demands respect from whites and battles with the idea of the American Dream.  He's a strong, complicated character.  I'd love our son to be like this someday  Well, anyways, Nardo it was.  And is.  Woot!

Okay...Back to delivery day...As I stated, delivery was fast and easy and everyone was safe and healthy.  Adan and I stayed in our room with our little guy for 24 hours, in awe of Bernardo, of course.  The nurses would come in every hour or two to "check in" on the baby and give us lessons on how to care for him.  Although the actual room was small and uncomfortable, the nurses were spectacular.  Well, except for one nurse working in the middle of the night who was too lazy to bathe Bernardo until the morning.  Adan and I hated her.  How dare her disrespect our son like that?!  LoL.  We didn't have any visitors.  Mostly because we were in Sheboygan.  Our surrogate didn't even want to visit us and Bernardo.  Although we invited her to our room, she said she felt uncomfortable with that and that she "felt ugly and gross" after delivery.  I think it's actually because she didn't want to get emotional.  I cannot imagine how she was feeling and what her thoughts were in those moments after the birth.   It must've been incredibly difficult.  However I do think our surrogate was always ready and willing for that moment...And so I don't think it was as hard as many other women think it would've been.  She had prepared herself for this and knew from the beginning that she was simply carrying our baby.  She later would tell us that she is excited to do this again for another family and that "she was put on earth to do this."  So yeah.  She actually probably felt more feelings of joy and happiness and satisfaction doing her "life's work."  But it is kinda crazy that she was just a couple doors down and we didn't visit each other at all.  She and her husband did stop by before they left.  A quick "goodbye."  It was awkward and impersonal, not knowing exactly what she wanted and what she was comfortable with.  Because of this hesitancy by all, we didn't give hugs, she didn't hold the baby, and we didn't get a picture of all of us.  I think we all regretted this...I'll explain what we did to ease this regret in a minute.  Anyways, by the end of the 24 hours, Adan and I were so, so ready to get home and start settling with Bernardo.  The doctors did their final tests and confirmed that Bernardo was all set to leave.  We packed up our stuff and left.

Right when we got home, we had the kids hold Nardo, as well as my sister Shawn.  They were all astonished on how small he was.  Oh, and how cute he was too.  

Over the next two weeks, we pretty much stayed home and snuggled and cuddled Barnardo and changed his many, many diapers and made him tons and tons of bottles.  He sleeps a lot!  He is a little fussy in the middle of the night and is getting overall more and more fussy as we speak.  But he doesn't really cry much.  He's been remarkably chill and easy.  Though whenever I say that I always try to knock on some wood.  I know things are going to get more challenging and things will get harder and harder. But I try not to think about the future too much.  I am enjoying this age.  He is precious and peaceful and so adorable right now.  And I am thankful for that.  

There might be some other aspects that have made this baby thing a smooth transition...I have off of work right now, and Adan took a week off of work, and the kids are all home too.  I think since we have had the Rod kids for so long, it's also been kinda simple to include and slide Bernardo into our lives.  It has not been this major interruption, in my humble opinion.  He's just...Another person in the house.  We're used to this.  This is the story of our lives.  Another baby.  Haha.  It's been smooth sailing so far.  And everyone seems pretty content and at ease.  Truthfully, the hardest part has been Hazel.  She's been more demanding than Bernardo.  Not because of bad behavior...But because of her constant need to be entertained and engaged.  It's a full time job!  She has so much energy and zest and it's hard with a newborn to do a lot of stuff.  That combination of Hazel who needs exciting activities and Nardo who needs home and safety has been really difficult.  I am thrilled for school to start in two weeks!  Though, I am worried about this Delta Varient and MPS (and their teacher union).  Talk about a bad combo!

About a week after the birth, we did set up a final picnic get-together with our surrogate and her family to get some final closure on this journey.  Although I was personally a little annoyed by it, I know it was great for all of us and it ended up being really nice.  Our surrogate held the baby, we got pictures, and we chatted about how Bernardo is perfect in every way and how he is soooo loved.  I think our surrogate needed to see this for herself and it was an excellent way to end this long and complex and emotional adventure.  The surrogate and I definitely had our "ups and downs" and it all didn't turn out at all like you see in those dramatic, cheesy, rose-colored versions of surrogacy.  But in the end it turned out well and, in a way, turned out exactly as it was supposed to.  I'd recommend her as a surrogate again.  She was super healthy, exercising everyday and much, much more.  I'd just tell future families working with her to not have a "texting relationship" with her.  I'd tell them to have her discuss thorny issues with the liaison at The Surrogacy Center.  She would immediately text me with issues and concerns and that stressed me out and caused riffs.  Other than this, she was pretty good and she's a hero in our books.  In fact, Adan and I even had some feelings of guilt after the baby was born.  We used this woman's body totally and completely for our own needs.  Yes, we paid her.  A lot.  LoL.  Though not enough in our opinion.  Her body and mind and heart went through hell and back just for us.  It was like she was our slave for nine months.  We felt sorry.  But, as I stated earlier, she said she was put on this earth to do this.  It's her gift to humanity, she said.  And so we shouldn't feel guilty.  In reality, we gave her the opportunity to give her gift.  And that's wonderful on it's own.  We're thankful for her.  We probably won't have too much of a relationship anymore...Maybe pictures on holidays.  But that's it.  Don't forget people, she has no genetic ties to the baby.  She was simply the gestational carrier.  Bernardo's mother is an anonymous egg donor far, far away.  We'll be dealing with that soon enough :-)

Okay. This has gotten way too long!  And I don't have time for this shit!  Haha.  I gotta go!

If you want to hear more about this crazy, wild, insane ride that is our lives, plan a coffee date or wine outting with me, I'll talk your ear off, I'm sure.  That's if I can step away from the baby ;-)

Joe's Out!