It Sucks SO bad, Joe...

Straight from the mouth of our nurse at Wisconsin Fertility Institute.  That's literally what she said. "It sucks so bad, Joe." Everything has been postponed.  I want to cry.  I want to scream.  But, worst of all, I want to give up.

Before all of this Coronavirus shit hit the fan, I was planning to give you guys a pretty mundane but hopeful update.  Our egg donor was getting her body ready, and our surrogate, or Gestational Carrier, was getting hers ready.  She had her Sonohysterogram testing done and she passed.  She'd also got her CMV testing done which she actually failed.  However our doctors were going to give her more medications and retest her at the beginning of March.  They were confident all would be fine.  There were some significant bills here and there of $200 and $1000 and everything in between.  We were about to start treatment on March 23rd.  It was all within our grasp.  It was all happening.  I was so excited to share that good news with all of you.

And then the last week happened.  I don't need to tell you guys how this virus has absolutely turned our whole world upside down.  And I don't want to sound too complainy...Cause I know how this has changed people's lives in more terrible ways.  Some peeps have been laid off.  Some peeps have no money to pay for their kids' meals or daycare.  Some peeps have lost their small business.  Some peeps have even died!  I know.  I get it.  My problem is minuscule to many.  But that doesn't make it any less painful for me and Adan.

Anyways, essentially, all medical treatments by the Wisconsin Fertility Institute have been postponed indefinitely.  I am not sure if that means the Coronavirus has to completely disappear for things to re-start or if it just has to be controlled and managed.  Either way, their concern, as is everybody's, is that everyone is safe and healthy.  Obviously, our surrogate's health and perhaps our future baby's safety is at risk with Coronavirus floating around.  Also, the Egg Donation place has cancelled our egg donor's travel, keeping her safety in mind too. So, for now, our eggs are staying in California.  Ugh!  It all super sucks.

We just found out this information yesterday and there's a chance these things could change and maybe improve.  I mean, that's what I keep telling myself.  But I know that I should probably prepare myself for a nightmare.  Some are saying this virus will terrorize until the end of summer...Maybe even until the end of the year.  Now that would be...Heartbreaking.  To say the least.  I just broke the news to the kids and it was so hard, holding back my tears, trying to not whimper like a big ol' baby.  I am also extremely pissed and confused.  Are we overreacting?  Is this whole thing just the flu?  Or are we under reacting?!  I mean, 400 some Italians died today!  I get it.  I am not saying or feeling anything new.  Everyone's thinking this.  But it really hurts to have a dream and life deferred.

I don't know.  Should we even keep doing this?  I mean, do we even want to bring a baby into this world with all its viruses and quarantines!? Perhaps life would be nice with just Adan and I and the four kids?  Holed up in our bunker forever.  No contact with anyone on the outside.  Just us.  Just me. For-Ev-Er!  I mean, we'd be protected from feeling this kind of heartbreak again.

-JOE