Who's Your Daddy?

It's been over two months since I last gave an update.  I would apologize...But you haven't missed much.  There's been some behind-the-scenes action, like completing and signing agreements, written and approved by the lawyers of everybody involved, and I think there might've also been one small medical check of our surrogate (which went fine).  But that's it.  Although it's been kinda tortorous, twiddling our thumbs in this waiting game, it has also been a great opportunity for Adan and I to save up some more money.  I mean, that's difficult to do during the holidays, but we surprisingly were able to get a little more money in our coffers.  We're feeling more confident financially...But I am sure that confidence will be shattered soon enough.  I've been able to utilize some time to work on other things too.  I've been working on my last edit and revision of my novel The Closeted Life of Claude Hartel, and an application for a Fund for Teachers Fellowship to South Africa this summer.

On top of all of that, there was of course the Christmas season with four kids.  Ella has a boyfriend, one of my current students, so that's been an adventure.  Jakey has completely stopped playing Fort Nite.  It's been fun to see him out and about in the house, joking around and being social again.  Selena got a new TV in her room, so you can often find her enjoying her creative art by the light of Netflix.  Hazel's grandma passed away.  She was devastated at first.  Then I saw Hazel's behavior get mischievous and wild.  The last day or two though I've almost noticed a more mature Hazel.  Seems like life is already hardening our sweet Hazel's spirit.  Adan is same ol' really.  He's along for the ride :-)

Anyways, lets just say I've kept myself busy.  But I am ready to get to the next step in this surrogacy journey.

Here are some updates:

We've decided to "mix our sperm."  I know!  Huge change, right?  Well, I read an article on my "Rainbow Dads" Facebook group and...Well, I won't go into details.  It deals with something that I am 100% positive will arise once the baby is born and as we parent throughout the years.  I am sure there'll be a future blog post on it.  But it was a personal decision that Adan and I made.  So...Now the baby has the chance of not being my child.  It could possibly be Adan's.  That scares me a little because it's something I have wanted for my entire life.  But I joke with Adan and say that if that happens there's a simple solution...Have another baby!  Bwahaha!  But no really...It'll be fine.  And I think it's the right decision.  We won't find out who the father is until...Well, maybe ever.  Maybe we'll always question and wonder who the father is.  And that's a good thing.  We'll look at the baby and maybe say "He has Adan's almond-shaped eyes."  "But he also has Joe's big ass head."  There'll be a debate  and wonder and that might be good for our baby...Instead of the baby hearing "Joe's your daddy and Adan's not."  There's more reasons for why we made this decision and as I stated it's personal.  Let us know what you think in the comments!

This isn't an update but rather a big news story that has rocked the surrogacy community.  A woman who was acting as a surrogate for a family died while giving birth.  Michelle Reeves, a mother of two, was a surrogate for a 2nd time for the same family.  Although the baby made it out alive, the mother died during child birth.  It's a terrifying, heartbreaking story that really reminds us all how heroic and brave surrogates are.  It reminds me how courageous all women are when having a baby.  It's a beautiful thing that is still very fragile and dangerous.  Now imagine putting yourself in that situation not for yourself but for another family?  It's like being a super hero.  A saint.  I probably don't feel enough gratitude for my surrogate.  Not yet at least.  Perhaps I will once it becomes more real and I see her belly expanding and I see the lil' nugget on the ultrasound.  There is a Go Fund Me page for the family if you'd like to assist.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/20/us/surrogate-mom-dies-trnd/index.html?fbclid=IwAR3Qu1_qrmtq3N_TXawDpMAfIVWButrZWiomRkdD1eY631ZC__D_8m2xgkA

We had an appointment at the Wisconsin Fertility Institute today.  It was quite the adventure!  On my way to Madison I got a call from the kid's school.  They told me Selena puked in the classroom and needed to be picked up.  Obvi I couldn't.  Luckily, as always, I had Grandma Shenks there to help.  She went to pick up Selena.  Then Adan calls me and says that a gas pipe broke at his work.  You see, he was going to meet me at the doctor's office in Madison, since he was working out there.  He and his fellow workers had to evacuate the building.  All of his stuff was inside the building.  His keys to his car.  His pants.  Shoes even!  So I had to not only pick him up swiftly but we had to run over to Walmart to get him a cheap, quick outfit, rushing to make our appointment.  Anyways, we go to the appointment that our doctor told us was mandatory to attend and it ended up being pretty pointless.  Our doctor told us that our egg donor should be starting the shots and the estrogen meds and all that jazz real soon.  This will get her eggs nice and ready for retrieval.  By the way, they use a syringe-type needle to suck the eggs out of her.  I asked the doctor that myself, thank you very much.  She was hesitant to give us a timeline, it seemed.  Ugh.  It's taking extremely long.  I'm getting impatient.

They also asked us if we wanted to have a special chromosomal test done on our fertilized eggs.  It's called a Preimplantation Genetic Testing for Aneuploidies or PGT-A Testing.  It's a genetic test that gives information about embryos' genetic health to help your care team select the best embryo for transfer and improve your chance of achieving a successful pregnancy.  The doctor told us it was completely up to us.  She said it's not needed.  But it's something many couples get done.  The test would inform us if it was likely that our embryos would, amongst a couple of other chromosomal anomalies, end in miscarriage or not.  An embryo, just to remind you, is an unborn human offspring in the process of development during the period from approximately the second to the eighth week after fertilization.  After this stage, it's called a fetus.  Anyways, if it was likely the embryo would miscarry, according to this test, then we could try to choose a different embryo and/or start from the beginning to create new ones...Essentially starting all over.  It seemed obvious to Adan and I that we would have this test done.  Duh!

Well, then they went on to show us the charge for this test.  It'd be about $6000.  We suddenly changed our minds.  I know it seems shocking and stupid to let money decide our fate like this.  But, in my opinion, if it's something our doctor is giving us an option of, then it must not be that vital.  I know our doctor.  If she felt that it was a test that is necessary, then she'd force us to do the test.  She wouldn't just give us the choice.  It'd be required like the many other tests we've taken and will take.  She said there's a very small chance that any of the embryos at that point would have the chance of a miscarriage or have anything wrong with them chromosomally.  It's like when the dentist asks me if I want that blue lazer light in my mouth to discover if I have some cancer of the mouth.  It's not a required test.  And in fact my insurance doesn't even cover it.  It's $100!  What a scam!  Am I right?  If it was such a necessary, important test, not only would my dentist require it but my insurance would also cover it.  I feel like it's the same thing with this PGT-A Test.  I don't know.  It's a decision that we can make later.  But our doctor wanted us to start thinking about it.  What are your guys' thoughts on this?

Lastly, we got our second to last bill from our lawyer.  We won't need his services for a while at this point...Not until we need the Parentage Agreement, which deals with the actual fetus and baby.  I attached a picture of all the things our lawyer charged us for.  Gotta love lawyers.  Every phone call and every email and every decision has been accounted for and owed. Hmmm.  Yeah, my financial confidence is dwindling already.  It only took one blog post to shatter my confidence.  LoL.

Well, I guess that's it.  Not much to share.  I apologize.  But how do you think WE feel?!  I will for sure let you all know once our egg donor begins her treatments and our doctor gives us a more reliable timeline.

Until then...

-JOE