Sign at the Dotted Line
Hello, all. Another day, another blog post.
Our lawyers have officially finished the egg donation agreement. They've sent it to our egg donor's lawyers who are currently reviewing it. This agreement is pretty much a 10 page contract outlining every single aspect of our arrangement, before and during and after her donating her eggs. Her lawyers are looking at the contract and approving of it. They may return it to our lawyers with some revisions that they think need to be made. One thing that's making this more complicated is that California laws are very different than Wisconsin's. Keep in mind, we're not only paying for our lawyers but also hers. I always like to remind you guys of how expensive this whole thing is so you can continue to feel bad for us :-)
One reason the contract is pretty fascinating is that it covers us for things I never even thought of. I mean, I suppose that's wise and why we got lawyers in the first place. I've speculated many, many dire and spooky situations that could arise from this journey. But reading these lines of the contract I'm often saying "Oh, dang. Haven't thought of that!" For example, inheritance. What if our egg donor becomes a multi-billionaire. Our contract states that we or our baby can never receive any of her estate. I guess that sounds obvious but is interesting to see in writing on a piece of paper. Thank God for lawyers! Haha. Has anyone in the history of the universe ever said such a thing?!
Well, that's comforting!
Hmm. Intriguing. I am wondering if this is because of the Indian Child Welfare Act. Similar to adopting and fostering, this Act protects the best interest of Indian children and promotes the stability of Indian tribes and families. In other words, we can't just make our own Indian children without the approval of an Indian tribe or family.
This is the section that is probably most important to Adan and I. Someone recently asked me when I informed them of our surrogacy hopes, "Have you guys tried all avenues? What about adoption?" I at first got kinda irritated by this question. I mean, they know about our situation with the kids. They know we're pretty much "foster parents" already. Of course we've "tried all avenues." Sure, we haven't technically tried adoption. But this section of the egg donation agreement is the whole reason why I don't want to do adoption. I want a baby of our own. I don't want anyone else attached to it. Hopefully this agreement will protect us in our dreams and hopes of having this baby be our own. Because it is. And will be. Instead of screaming and getting irate with the person that asked me this I calmly told them that my dream is to have a child of our own and that we've experienced the joy of fostering and will probably do it again sometime in the future. I'd love to someday foster older teenage kids and maybe adopt them too. But, for now, my goal is this surrogacy journey. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I mean, maybe I should have asked this person, who is straight and has two kids, "Did you try all avenues? Have you thought about adoption?" Oh, burn! Roasted!
Part of what this is saying is, I believe, that we promise to inform the egg donor if we have had a baby and the birthdate of that baby. This is to prevent unintended siblings...In other words, incest. I never really thought of that before. With this whole new world of "test tube babies" (which is a horrid term, by the way), who knows if our baby will grow up someday to unknowingly date a sibling. Geez. I hope not! Adan and I and our Egg Donor also promise to give information if need be on medical treatments and diagnonses...Especially for the sake of the child. I know that this is a major reason why adopted children seek out their birth parents...Because they want to know their medical history. Although this worries me because I want my baby to be my own always, I realize that this will probably occur when my child becomes an adult. I'm bracing myself for it already. Luckily, in our case, the child will know at least the medical history of me and my side of the family. And we'll have the Egg Donor's and her family's medical history as of right now...So that should be helpful to our kid. But he or she may want to just meet their "mom." I need to be okay with that too.
I mean, you can read that and get the gist of it. Adan and I literally own her eggs and we can do whatever we want with them. Mwahahahaha! (Rubs hands together.)
The agreement goes on for pages upon pages of these minuscule details of every single aspect of this process. It's crazy. But comforting. It's not the wild west of surrogacy like some people have tried to scare us with. It's all good and right and clean.
However, some of this stuff is getting my imagination and creativity rolling. Maybe a book idea? I'd love to write a real suspense novel, similar to like The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. Picture this: An Egg Donor comes to haunt the parents of the child made from her egg and she stalks them and tries to kidnap "her" baby? That idea seems...Well, not very creative. But maybe something along those lines? Hmmm. I'll keep dreaming and brainstorming and seeing if an idea sprouts.
Speaking of writing, I've just started the process of self-publishing. I'll keep you all in the loop on that but hoping to now begin publishing my novels (which I've written like four now) myself. I'd like to make some money though and I'm just trying to make sure that I do it effectively. I hear that it's a lot of "selling yourself." Don't think I'm very good at that. But yeah...We shall see! Can I express a fear I've been having? I feel like my writing, especially since having the kids, has worsened over the last couple years. I am always feeling rushed in my life...Like with this blog...And I am positive that it has affected my writing in a negative way. I hope it hasn't. It'd be really cool to see how my writing would improve if I had all day to work on it...No kids and no job. Just writing. How wonderful to dream...
I just got word that I also didn't get another grant that I applied for. That's two down. I think I applied for three? Anyways, further proof that my writing has deteriorated. My life's so hectic...And writing often gets the back burner :-(
It's looking more and more likely that Adan and I will have to pay for this whole thing ourselves :-/
Feed bad for us again? :-)
I think that's it. Until next time, y'all!
-JOE NEMAN
Our lawyers have officially finished the egg donation agreement. They've sent it to our egg donor's lawyers who are currently reviewing it. This agreement is pretty much a 10 page contract outlining every single aspect of our arrangement, before and during and after her donating her eggs. Her lawyers are looking at the contract and approving of it. They may return it to our lawyers with some revisions that they think need to be made. One thing that's making this more complicated is that California laws are very different than Wisconsin's. Keep in mind, we're not only paying for our lawyers but also hers. I always like to remind you guys of how expensive this whole thing is so you can continue to feel bad for us :-)
One reason the contract is pretty fascinating is that it covers us for things I never even thought of. I mean, I suppose that's wise and why we got lawyers in the first place. I've speculated many, many dire and spooky situations that could arise from this journey. But reading these lines of the contract I'm often saying "Oh, dang. Haven't thought of that!" For example, inheritance. What if our egg donor becomes a multi-billionaire. Our contract states that we or our baby can never receive any of her estate. I guess that sounds obvious but is interesting to see in writing on a piece of paper. Thank God for lawyers! Haha. Has anyone in the history of the universe ever said such a thing?!
Well, that's comforting!
Hmm. Intriguing. I am wondering if this is because of the Indian Child Welfare Act. Similar to adopting and fostering, this Act protects the best interest of Indian children and promotes the stability of Indian tribes and families. In other words, we can't just make our own Indian children without the approval of an Indian tribe or family.
This is the section that is probably most important to Adan and I. Someone recently asked me when I informed them of our surrogacy hopes, "Have you guys tried all avenues? What about adoption?" I at first got kinda irritated by this question. I mean, they know about our situation with the kids. They know we're pretty much "foster parents" already. Of course we've "tried all avenues." Sure, we haven't technically tried adoption. But this section of the egg donation agreement is the whole reason why I don't want to do adoption. I want a baby of our own. I don't want anyone else attached to it. Hopefully this agreement will protect us in our dreams and hopes of having this baby be our own. Because it is. And will be. Instead of screaming and getting irate with the person that asked me this I calmly told them that my dream is to have a child of our own and that we've experienced the joy of fostering and will probably do it again sometime in the future. I'd love to someday foster older teenage kids and maybe adopt them too. But, for now, my goal is this surrogacy journey. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I mean, maybe I should have asked this person, who is straight and has two kids, "Did you try all avenues? Have you thought about adoption?" Oh, burn! Roasted!
Part of what this is saying is, I believe, that we promise to inform the egg donor if we have had a baby and the birthdate of that baby. This is to prevent unintended siblings...In other words, incest. I never really thought of that before. With this whole new world of "test tube babies" (which is a horrid term, by the way), who knows if our baby will grow up someday to unknowingly date a sibling. Geez. I hope not! Adan and I and our Egg Donor also promise to give information if need be on medical treatments and diagnonses...Especially for the sake of the child. I know that this is a major reason why adopted children seek out their birth parents...Because they want to know their medical history. Although this worries me because I want my baby to be my own always, I realize that this will probably occur when my child becomes an adult. I'm bracing myself for it already. Luckily, in our case, the child will know at least the medical history of me and my side of the family. And we'll have the Egg Donor's and her family's medical history as of right now...So that should be helpful to our kid. But he or she may want to just meet their "mom." I need to be okay with that too.
I mean, you can read that and get the gist of it. Adan and I literally own her eggs and we can do whatever we want with them. Mwahahahaha! (Rubs hands together.)
The agreement goes on for pages upon pages of these minuscule details of every single aspect of this process. It's crazy. But comforting. It's not the wild west of surrogacy like some people have tried to scare us with. It's all good and right and clean.
However, some of this stuff is getting my imagination and creativity rolling. Maybe a book idea? I'd love to write a real suspense novel, similar to like The Hand That Rocks the Cradle. Picture this: An Egg Donor comes to haunt the parents of the child made from her egg and she stalks them and tries to kidnap "her" baby? That idea seems...Well, not very creative. But maybe something along those lines? Hmmm. I'll keep dreaming and brainstorming and seeing if an idea sprouts.
Speaking of writing, I've just started the process of self-publishing. I'll keep you all in the loop on that but hoping to now begin publishing my novels (which I've written like four now) myself. I'd like to make some money though and I'm just trying to make sure that I do it effectively. I hear that it's a lot of "selling yourself." Don't think I'm very good at that. But yeah...We shall see! Can I express a fear I've been having? I feel like my writing, especially since having the kids, has worsened over the last couple years. I am always feeling rushed in my life...Like with this blog...And I am positive that it has affected my writing in a negative way. I hope it hasn't. It'd be really cool to see how my writing would improve if I had all day to work on it...No kids and no job. Just writing. How wonderful to dream...
I just got word that I also didn't get another grant that I applied for. That's two down. I think I applied for three? Anyways, further proof that my writing has deteriorated. My life's so hectic...And writing often gets the back burner :-(
It's looking more and more likely that Adan and I will have to pay for this whole thing ourselves :-/
Feed bad for us again? :-)
I think that's it. Until next time, y'all!
-JOE NEMAN
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