An Oven for Our Bun

I am so super duper busy lately.  And I am feeling really overwhelmed and uptight.  I leave for a quick (and free) trip to Austria this weekend.  Then we are celebrating my cousin's and Adan's birthdays in Mexico the following weekend.  Preparing the family and my classroom for while I am gone is very stressful.  As always, there's hectic work stuff, including this new curriculum crap that has come with teaching Freshmen and just everything it takes to try and be a great teacher.  There's Travel Club stuff...And now I got myself into the mess of leading a Drama Club at school.  And then there's the kids of course.  They're all in sports currently, Halloween is coming, Selena needs new glasses, etc., etc., etc.  And I am still trying to fit time into my writing career.  It's been hard to do but I am trying to squeeze it in.  Needless to say, I'm struggling and this blog post will be literally a quick update.  No philosophical discussions about life or parenting or anything like that.  Just the facts.  Here we go:

We found our surrogate!  Yay!  Adan and I met her and her husband a couple weeks ago.  Her name is Angie.  She is 37 years old, has a husband, and three kids.  She gave up her first child for adoption.  She reconnected with him and now has a relationship with him...I believe he's like 18 years old or so.  They live in Sheboygan and they seem like good people.  I am sure I'll be writing a lot about her as we experience this journey but I will say that she is very cheerful and positive and happy.  Which is great.  However, it was a little nauseating for Adan and I.  It actually made us a bit leery.  I don't know if Adan and I are just two bitter gay guys who have had all of life's mulberries thrown at us or what but how can someone really be that nice?  I mean, she legit said "I just want everyone to be happy."  Like doesn't that make you suspicious too?  I don't know.  She had all the right answers and really saw the best in everything in this situation and was totally easy-going and full of joy.  I suppose we should be feeling lucky that we got such a compassionate, kind woman to be the oven for our wee lil' bun.

A couple random thoughts on her...This is her third time trying to be a gestational carrier or surrogate for a couple.  The last two times the straight couples eventually got pregnant.  I am sure she is happy that now she is doing this for two gay guys...Who cannot get pregnant without her :-)

Also, although it's great that she has had an experience with adoption and being able to "let go" of a child, it did make me worried when I heard she now, after 18 years, has a relationship with him.  Will she try to do that with our child?  Will she end up desiring a relationship with our child?  Even though she will not have any DNA or anything in the baby?  I don't think she will.  And, legally, she won't be able to. Fingers crossed!

Which leads me to the next update.  Our lawyer is currently working on the egg donor agreement.  It seems to be taking forever, but this agreement will eventually cover Adan and I and will make sure we're treated fairly throughout this process.  Our egg donor also has a lawyer that will cover her end.  Although it is all very long and complicated, it'll essentially make sure that our egg donor can never try to claim the baby as her own in the future.  Or that we cannot force her to be a parent to the child in the future.  Even if Adan and I were to die...The baby would be going to someone in our family.  Never to our egg donor or surrogate.  Anyways, the agreement covers much, much more than that.  And that's why it's taking a while and why we have to pay our lawyer, the egg donor, and the egg donation company thousands and thousands of dollars.  It's so, hopefully, everything is just and right for Adan and I and our baby.

Next, I also got word that one of the grants that I applied for was denied.  It's from a company called Baby Quest.  I can't remember how much it was for but it was one of three grants that I applied for.  The winners of their grants for this round can be found at their website HERE.  I could apply for it again since they offer the grants about twice a year.  But you have to pay a $50 entrance fee into the contest.  I am not sure if it'd really be smart of me to apply again.  I mean, that means I spent $100 on just applying for this grant.  What if I don't get it again?  Seems like that's kind of a waste of money.  I really do hope that we have better luck with the other grants!

Lastly, we've made the final decision to not have twins.  Although many of you stated that you think we should so that Adan can have one biologically his own, Adan has stated that he's really not interested in that.  He does not really have that "need" like I do.  So...No twins for us. 

I think that's it.  I apologize for any grammar mistakes and for my simplistic, rushed writing.  I am planning to write a more detailed and thoughtful blog post at the end of October or so...I hope :-)

-JOE