Disneyland Wasn't Built in a Day
Alright, people. Here we go! Update on this whole gay-dad-baby-making thing:
-Our egg donor was flown from California to Madison a couple weeks ago. She was here for like two days and from what we've heard everything went great. This initial screening was approved by Wisconsin Fertility Institute. She will next need to be psychologically evaluated. Then, we have to figure out and finalize the legal stuff. Finally, they will fly her out to Madison again to officially begin the cycle of donating her eggs and creating embryos. We're hoping this all happens before the end of the summer.
-As always, the bills are piling up. I mean, they aren't really "bills" since we have to pay them right away in order to move onto the next step. It's more like...Well, money spent. But I promised myself I wouldn't dwell on that in this blog post. Y'all are probably getting annoyed with me complaining about that. In fact, I should be working on those grants right now...Not working on a blog :-/
-In the battle of who has the strongest sperm between Adan and I, Adan has won. Boo! I think it's because he's younger. Out of 135 million sperm, 76 million of mine are motile or viable. Out of 404 million, 377 million of Adan's are motile. Pretty big difference! Adan said he got a lot more sperm into the cup. I had troubles with that. LMAO. I'm actually a little jealous of his sperm. Gosh darn it! Anyways, this was super interesting information. The science is unbelievable. It's crazy what's going on inside our bodies, and how such a minuscule thing like a sperm, though there's millions and millions of them in just a teaspoon, can grow into a highly individualized human being. Who else pictures the beginning of Look Who's Talking when thinking about the race of sperm trying to become "the one"? Such a good flick. I'll have to watch that with the kids one of these days.
Also, I read an article online about how frozen sperm can last forever and even survive in space. Wow! Unfortunately, it's $400 to store your frozen sperm for a year. Ugh.
-I haven't really been able to write yet about the deeper aspects of becoming a Dad. I suppose I've been waiting to actually become a dad to truly analyze what it means to be one and to be a "good one." I'll be writing about a lot of these aspects in future blog posts once our child is born...If it even happens. But naturally Adan and I have wondered what it's going to be like for our child to not have a "mother." And if we're going to be good parents to our child. People often say to me, and something I think about a lot, "a mother has certain innate instincts that you as a man won't have." In a way, I do think this is true. I mean, nothing compares to a mother's love. It's profound and "instinctive" and innate and all-encompassing. It kinda breaks my heart at times to think that our child won't have a mother really. I sometimes think that I'm self-absorbed, unemotional, detached. As are many men. Will I always put my child first? Will I love them unconditionally? Will my love for them be intense and extreme and potent?
The way I've always looked at it is that being a parent, and a "mother," is actually not instinctive at all. It's a skill, an exercise, something that needs to be worked on and grown into and consistently improved. There is no such thing as a perfect mother or perfect father. It is not unconscious or automatic. It's not something we're born with. Throughout time there's been many women who have had to act as "fathers" or men who have had to act like "mothers." They probably struggled to fit into those roles but with effort and love and passion they were able to. I guess that's always how I looked at becoming a parent and having to fill that role as a "mother." Adan and I might have to work hard and grow as parents. We might have to change in ways we have never thought possible. We will have to put a ton of thought and effort into becoming the best fathers (and "mothers") we can...As do, I believe, most men and women when they become parents. We'll have to constantly be cognizant of our strengths and weaknesses as "mothers" and "fathers" and try our very, very best to rise to the occasion. Very few traditional families have it right and perfect. Very few traditional families, with the traditional mother and father, have it instinctively wonderful from the start.
Right when I needed to be reminded of this most, after a weekend of wondering about it, an insightful, powerful article showed up on my Facebook feed. This article, filled with perceptive wisdom, states that this notion of an instinctual "motherly love" that women have is dangerous and wrong for everybody. This false idea does harm on men and women and children. It's an intelligent article and came at a time when I really needed it. People are negative about social media. But the inspiration and education I've gotten from articles and quotes and memes I've discovered on social media is awesome. I've also learned countless things from the gay dads groups I am a part of on Facebook and Instagram. The future with its overpowering technology is not as bleak as people sometimes think. It can often serve as a motivating tool for information.
https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/maternal-instinct-isnt-real-but-the-myth-makes-parenting-harder/
On a sort of side note, I'd love to revisit a parenting topic sometime soon that sort of relates to this idea of a mother's instinct and innate love. You see, I often describe my goals as a parent to other people and their initial response, and my view too sometimes, is that I will be a selfish parent, a "typical man," someone without that motherly instinct. However, I believe that my parenting goals are actually good parenting. It might be untraditional. And, maybe, "selfish." But it'll actually be good for my kids. Remind me to talk about this in the future. To be continued. Haha!
-Lastly, if this whole baby thing does come into fruition, I'm planning to have a Disney World/Land themed baby shower, just to let you know. I actually hope to sort of make it a huge celebration. I mean, Adan and I did not have a wedding. So I want it to be something that not only celebrates our possible baby but also celebrates us. We've accomplished a lot as a couple. And, as conceded as it sounds, I want us to be recognized and validated for that. LoL. Of course I also want to build a strong circle of loving friends and family for our baby too. (There goes that selfishness again!) I hope my sister Shawn is starting to plan and prepare and Pinterest. Jajaja! I also want our baby room to have a vintage Disney theme and/or Disney World/Land theme. So yeah. Disney Freak! Start planning your gifts now ;-)
Okay. That's it. Let me know what you think in the comments. TTYL!
-Our egg donor was flown from California to Madison a couple weeks ago. She was here for like two days and from what we've heard everything went great. This initial screening was approved by Wisconsin Fertility Institute. She will next need to be psychologically evaluated. Then, we have to figure out and finalize the legal stuff. Finally, they will fly her out to Madison again to officially begin the cycle of donating her eggs and creating embryos. We're hoping this all happens before the end of the summer.
-As always, the bills are piling up. I mean, they aren't really "bills" since we have to pay them right away in order to move onto the next step. It's more like...Well, money spent. But I promised myself I wouldn't dwell on that in this blog post. Y'all are probably getting annoyed with me complaining about that. In fact, I should be working on those grants right now...Not working on a blog :-/
-In the battle of who has the strongest sperm between Adan and I, Adan has won. Boo! I think it's because he's younger. Out of 135 million sperm, 76 million of mine are motile or viable. Out of 404 million, 377 million of Adan's are motile. Pretty big difference! Adan said he got a lot more sperm into the cup. I had troubles with that. LMAO. I'm actually a little jealous of his sperm. Gosh darn it! Anyways, this was super interesting information. The science is unbelievable. It's crazy what's going on inside our bodies, and how such a minuscule thing like a sperm, though there's millions and millions of them in just a teaspoon, can grow into a highly individualized human being. Who else pictures the beginning of Look Who's Talking when thinking about the race of sperm trying to become "the one"? Such a good flick. I'll have to watch that with the kids one of these days.
Also, I read an article online about how frozen sperm can last forever and even survive in space. Wow! Unfortunately, it's $400 to store your frozen sperm for a year. Ugh.
-I haven't really been able to write yet about the deeper aspects of becoming a Dad. I suppose I've been waiting to actually become a dad to truly analyze what it means to be one and to be a "good one." I'll be writing about a lot of these aspects in future blog posts once our child is born...If it even happens. But naturally Adan and I have wondered what it's going to be like for our child to not have a "mother." And if we're going to be good parents to our child. People often say to me, and something I think about a lot, "a mother has certain innate instincts that you as a man won't have." In a way, I do think this is true. I mean, nothing compares to a mother's love. It's profound and "instinctive" and innate and all-encompassing. It kinda breaks my heart at times to think that our child won't have a mother really. I sometimes think that I'm self-absorbed, unemotional, detached. As are many men. Will I always put my child first? Will I love them unconditionally? Will my love for them be intense and extreme and potent?
The way I've always looked at it is that being a parent, and a "mother," is actually not instinctive at all. It's a skill, an exercise, something that needs to be worked on and grown into and consistently improved. There is no such thing as a perfect mother or perfect father. It is not unconscious or automatic. It's not something we're born with. Throughout time there's been many women who have had to act as "fathers" or men who have had to act like "mothers." They probably struggled to fit into those roles but with effort and love and passion they were able to. I guess that's always how I looked at becoming a parent and having to fill that role as a "mother." Adan and I might have to work hard and grow as parents. We might have to change in ways we have never thought possible. We will have to put a ton of thought and effort into becoming the best fathers (and "mothers") we can...As do, I believe, most men and women when they become parents. We'll have to constantly be cognizant of our strengths and weaknesses as "mothers" and "fathers" and try our very, very best to rise to the occasion. Very few traditional families have it right and perfect. Very few traditional families, with the traditional mother and father, have it instinctively wonderful from the start.
Right when I needed to be reminded of this most, after a weekend of wondering about it, an insightful, powerful article showed up on my Facebook feed. This article, filled with perceptive wisdom, states that this notion of an instinctual "motherly love" that women have is dangerous and wrong for everybody. This false idea does harm on men and women and children. It's an intelligent article and came at a time when I really needed it. People are negative about social media. But the inspiration and education I've gotten from articles and quotes and memes I've discovered on social media is awesome. I've also learned countless things from the gay dads groups I am a part of on Facebook and Instagram. The future with its overpowering technology is not as bleak as people sometimes think. It can often serve as a motivating tool for information.
https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/maternal-instinct-isnt-real-but-the-myth-makes-parenting-harder/
On a sort of side note, I'd love to revisit a parenting topic sometime soon that sort of relates to this idea of a mother's instinct and innate love. You see, I often describe my goals as a parent to other people and their initial response, and my view too sometimes, is that I will be a selfish parent, a "typical man," someone without that motherly instinct. However, I believe that my parenting goals are actually good parenting. It might be untraditional. And, maybe, "selfish." But it'll actually be good for my kids. Remind me to talk about this in the future. To be continued. Haha!
-Lastly, if this whole baby thing does come into fruition, I'm planning to have a Disney World/Land themed baby shower, just to let you know. I actually hope to sort of make it a huge celebration. I mean, Adan and I did not have a wedding. So I want it to be something that not only celebrates our possible baby but also celebrates us. We've accomplished a lot as a couple. And, as conceded as it sounds, I want us to be recognized and validated for that. LoL. Of course I also want to build a strong circle of loving friends and family for our baby too. (There goes that selfishness again!) I hope my sister Shawn is starting to plan and prepare and Pinterest. Jajaja! I also want our baby room to have a vintage Disney theme and/or Disney World/Land theme. So yeah. Disney Freak! Start planning your gifts now ;-)
Okay. That's it. Let me know what you think in the comments. TTYL!
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