Judging a Book by Its Egg Donor Profile Pic...
Hello, all! A lot to fill you in on...And at the same time, not much at all. But here you go!
First of all, I know this will break many hearts, but we have pretty much decided to not have twins. Well, at least not on purpose that is. An initial idea of ours was to have twins, one of them mine and one of them Adan's. But, if you think about it, our desire to make sure each baby had mixed ethnicity would've forced us to find two different egg donors and eggs. (Does that make sense? These "cocktail babies" are perplexing at times!) Which, as you'll see, would've been complicated and costly. So, sorry guys. As of now the plan is to use my sperm in a Hispanic egg. But we're still waiting on results of our lab reports...Who knows? Maybe I will not be able to use my sperm and we'll have to use Adan's for whatever reason. We shall see.
We met our possible surrogate and her family this past Sunday. Actually, now she is official. We've chosen our surrogate who will have our baby! OMG! Ahh! It's so crazy. We really did enjoy Elizabeth and her husband and 3/4 of their children (one was at home). They seem very giving and compassionate. And kind. And even funny. We all met each other at the Sheboygan library. Sheboygan is where they live. We had someone from The Surrogacy Center there to mediate. It went well. I don't know why this seems crazy to me but I cannot believe someone would choose to do this...For us. I mean, I understand a woman becoming a surrogate for a straight couple that can't have a baby. But a gay couple that just WANT a baby? I mean, I know that sounds terrible of me to even think about. But it's honestly how I feel. So I am forever grateful for Elizabeth and her husband to do this for us. It's even cooler that they're super Christian. It's uplifting to know that they've decided to help us out. Who knows, maybe it's all for the money. Haha. There were some minor concerns we had. Here's two of them:
1. She seems to be strongly anti-abortion. Nothing wrong with that per se. But, for example, lets say the doctors believe at maybe like two months that our baby will die at birth, Elizabeth may not want to have an abortion. Also if the baby is born with defects or diseases or disabilities of some kind, she seems to be against the idea of abortion even for this. She wants nature to run its course. After a deep discussion, it seemed like we all came together on this sensitive and difficult topic and have agreed on a few parameters in case any of this stuff happens. All of these possibilities will be laid out in a legal document made by both of our lawyers. Either way, the baby is Adan and I's. Even if we were to die while she was pregnant, we get to choose who the baby will live with. And right when the baby is born, it will immediately be put into the hands of the person we've designated. In other words, the baby will never just go to Elizabeth by default. Anyways, because the doctors will analyze and evaluate every single minuscule cell of every single person involved in this process, we probably won't have any issues with the baby. I mean, we can pick the damn sex of the baby if we want. This science is near perfect! But nature does have a tendency to surprise sometimes. As Elizabeth said, "as long as we pray that God will bless this child, we'll be fine." Not quite how I'd put it. But it was nice to hear :-)
2. Elizabeth and her husband did mention that before considering surrogacy they were thinking of fostering or adoption. They even mentioned maybe having another baby of their own. This made us a little worried. I mean, sounds like they want to continue creating a family of their own, am I right? I don’t want them stealing our baby and we become a Lifetime movie of the week or something! But after further discussion it was pretty clear that this is not what they wanted and their hearts are fully devoted to the surrogacy journey. They’re doing this for us. And though the money is a benefit too (actually stated by them), they’re there to help us have a child of our own. They seem dedicated to us and our dream.
Otherwise, we were pleased with everything about Elizabeth. There were many reasons to feel confident in her for our surrogate. They answered all of our questions to most of our satisfaction. Her story is similar to ours, especially Adan’s. She's a refugee from Liberia, and the civil war she experienced was violent and tragic. She is, well, beautiful, in a lot of ways. She also seems to adore being pregnant and having children. She seems gentle and motherly. She began breastfeeding her youngest right in front of us. I guess we’ll need to get used to that stuff. Her husband seems supportive and smart and decisive. Both of them are unique people, living a life outside the box, in a way. By the looks of it, they're an odd couple. And, obviously, Adan and I are too. Black and white. Tall and short. Mexican/African and American. He's even visiting her family in Liberia in the next couple years. That's so fun! But while seeing them interact it was clear that they love each other deeply and have a true fondness for each other. They met on Christian Mingle. Though it’s not Plenty of Fish like Adan and I, it’s still online like us. Her story is wonderful and emotional and courageous. I’m sure I’ll write more about her in the future. Oh, and did I mention her insurance covers surrogacy? Yup! That will save Adan and I a bunch of money! Yee-Ha!
Sorry this seems so rushed and sloppy and poorly written. Ain’t nobody got time to write a blog. What the heck was I thinking?!
-JOE NEMAN
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