Norman Bates and Frankenstein

A few weeks ago Adan and I drove up to Madison to get a couple steps completed.  Here’s what they are:

           First, we completed a Psychological Evaluation.  This is something that is required in the surrogacy journey.  (I know.  I’m thinking the same thing as you.  Why don’t straight people have to take a Psychological Evaluation before having babies?  Yeah.  Same.  Straight people have it so incredibly easy!)  We paid a hefty price to meet with a psychologist and take a Psychological Evaluation survey.  This survey had hundreds of questions.  We met with a psychologist.  She asked us deep, personal questions about our lives.  She was very...Madison.  A hippy to the max.  She sat on her comfy chair cross-legged, long gray hair, her chin in her hand, nodding as Adan and I confessed our life stories.  She asked us about our childhoods, our adolescence and early adulthood, all the happy times and trauma we experienced, including the situations and emotions we’re encountering now in our lives.  It was kinda nice to talk to her.  I’ve never went to see a therapist before so it was...Well, therapeutic.  Maybe I should see a therapist more often?  She wrote everything down.  This woman, who only spoke with us for an hour, had the power to decide if we were psychologically sound to go through this surrogacy journey.

             I will not forget how impressed she was with my story.  I’ve been through a lot in my life.  I actually score pretty high on the “ACE Questionnaire.”  The Adverse Childhood Experiences I have are surprisingly high. (By the way, Adan’s ACEs are like nothing compared to mine.  He had a pretty good childhood, although you could say his “coming out” journey has been more traumatic).  The psychologist seemed cognizant of my inspirational story and asked me how I ended up doing so well for myself.  I didn’t quite know how to answer that.  How did I “stay out of trouble?”  How did I “make something of myself?”  I told her it may have been because I watched Oprah as a kid a lot!  I also had a really great big sister who also showed me a life of the “straight and narrow.”  I also told the psychologist it could be because of my genes and the way my brain functions.  Part of me even thinks that I “lived my best life” because I was gay.  This sounds stupid...But being gay, in a way, has kept be out of trouble. If I were straight, I may have hung out with the bad guys in school instead of nerdy girls, I would’ve got a chick pregnant by 16 instead of, well, almost getting one pregnant, I would’ve maybe been more afraid to be creative and different and unique instead of living somewhat freely.  I don’t know.  As I get older, I am more and more appreciative of my sexuality.  Though it didn’t start out that way!  Part of me thinks I turned out so well because...My parents were great in a lot of ways.  My mom especially loved me dearly.  I learned a lot from her.  My childhood wasn’t all bad at all.

          That same afternoon we went to the Wisconsin Fertility Institute in Madison.  We chose this organization because it seemed reputable and trustworthy.  They will be dealing with the egg donation and the insemination of that egg with our sperm and all of that medical, scientific, chemistry shit.  The place was filled with women working there.  It was all women!  It was awesome to see.  And if you all know Adan and I, we’re a million times more comfortable around women than men.  They all seemed so thrilled for us and warm and welcoming.  I wonder though if they are that way because they see us as a couple of dollar signs and that’s it.  Haha.  But, seriously, they seem wonderful so far.  We talked to them for an hour, detailing all of the next steps and how the whole process will work, medically and scientifically.  It was...Intricate and complicated.

          They told us the next steps to take would be for Adan and I to get lab tests done on our blood, urine, and sperm.  This is to see if we are healthy and safe, and to see if our sperm are strong enough; they need to observe the chromosomes or whatever of our sperm and what defects the sperm has, and to make sure that the donor’s eggs would be a perfect match for our sperm.  Another step is to start looking at the lists upon lists of egg donors at various clinics around the state and nation to find our egg donor.  This step is obviously paramount.  We’d like to find an Hispanic egg donor if possible.  Especially if we decide to just use my sperm.  But if we do decide to have twins, we need to find eggs that would maybe be the opposite of both our sperms.  We’d love to have our babies carry at least some of our ethnicity in both of them, if that makes sense.  It’s like a science experiment.  And we’re making a Frankenstein.  Geez.  I hope our future kid never reads this.  :-)

We’ve already done these lab tests. Awkward!  A future blog post on that is to come.  Stay tuned!